Tag Archive for talking to children

Help Your Child Develop Confidence – New Cards

How to develop confidence

How to develop confidenceHelp Your Child Develop Confidence

I am so delighted to announce that we are publishing a new pack of cards to help children develop confidence.

Confidence affects all areas of our lives from work to relationships to health. If we help children be confident we are giving them an important tool and a great start in life.

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Family Communication

Create stress-free Family Time

Creating stress-free, quality family time can be really challenging in today’s modern era. Even getting your children to turn off their technology and talk to you can be an endless task. In this video Sarah and Lisa will give you some simple and  easy steps to create fun family time that will engage all.

Conversation in the home can become stuck in a rut and so boring that people just stop listening; eventually, talking turns into grunts. We show families how to break this cycle and start having meaningful, enjoyable conversations.

In this on-line video clip, episode one Sarah Newton and Lisa Warner discuss the facts and what parents need to know about family communication.

Lynne Franks Loves Fink

Lifestyle Guru and Media Personality Lynne Franks loves Fink. She says they are the best thing she has ever seen when it comes to improving family communication and having fun.

“ Fink Cards are some of the most exciting and creative ideas I’ve ever seen to stimulate family conversation and connection. Any family would want them in their home as a key component to the harmony and understanding we are all looking for.”

Lynne Franks Founder of the SEED Women’s Network

 

What does it take to listen to your child unconditionally?

20 ways to ensure your child speaks by listening.

1. Just show up as who you are rather than in a pre-conceived way, with an agenda. Turn up with an open mind and stand in front of the child with an empty head.

2. Create an empty space in your own head.

3. Ask your child if they feel listened to. Listen to the answer. Ask how they know they are being listened to and be willing to change if needed.

4. Acknowledge what your child says. Look them straight in the eye.

5. Ensure you are not interpreting what you think your child is saying.

6. Never interrupt.

7. Treat them with total respect – listen to them as you would your best friend.

8. Find out what triggers you not listening and see what you can put in place to deal with this.

9. Always ask yourself when listening, “What is my intention here?”

10. Move into a more supportive role; listen for how you can support your  child.

11. Listen for the qualities that you can respect in your child.

12. Always listen without your own agenda – remember you are making another person, not a clone of yourself.

13. Don’t let your enthusiasm get in the way – breathe before you speak and create a pace for yourself before you respond.

14. Remember that your child’s life is different from your life, so always look from their point if view.

15. Remember, you are listening to a whole different person than yourself, so open up to new possibilities.

16. Listen to hear what your child could be teaching you.

17. Get to understand yourself and your child in new ways using tools like the Enneagram, these can support you in understanding how to listen and understand another in a new way.

18. Leave a gap of space and silence before responding.

19. Have Fun.

20. Always remember to be yourself.

Listening so your child will talk

Communication is a two way street – what to do when your child will not talk.

Parents say to me all the time ” This communication stuff is all fine but what do I do when my children isn’t talking to me?”. To me it is simple, you go back to listening. Not just any old listening but what I call “step into my shoes listening”.

Yesterday I was listening to a great audio book that mentioned a skill called trading minds, it reminded my of this article I wrote a while ago so I thought I would share this with you.

Step in my shoes Listening

Children describe to me time and time again the following situation. They have an issue they are dealing with and they eventually decide to talk with their parents about it. So they pick their moment and start talking, but no sooner have they started then the parent has broken into a dialogue of advice about what they did as a child, how they would handle the situation and what the child should do. The child listens, then walks away feeling dejected and misunderstood. The issue remains unresolved.

So what is the way forward? Understanding their structure of interpretation, feeling how it must be to be your child  in today’s society and all the challenges that must bring. Step into my shoes listening as we call it.

Step into my shoes  is a three-step process.

1. Listen with your lips shut – do not comment.

2. Ensure you are listening heart to heart.

3. Step into their shoes.

Let me give you an example of Step into my shoes listening  and how this may pan out.

Imagine this situation. Your teenage daughter comes home having been the victim of a robbery. How do you respond?

1. Listen from your point of view.

”Well they didn’t have mobile phones in my day, if you will have a phone what do you expect? You should report it, they cannot get away with this! I am never buying you anything again – you should have been more careful – I told you so!”

Well, I think we have all experienced this type of listening at one time or another.

2. Listening to their point of view.

”Are you OK? Are you hurt? Did you go to the police? Where did it happen?”

Here you are listening and just attempting to gain more information.

3.  Step into their shoes.

”That must have been really shocking for you and very scary. It must be challenging being a teenager today with all this added responsibility. How can I support you?”

Here you step into the teenager’s body, looking at life through their eyes, responding accordingly.

When you use this type of listening, your tone must be neutral and you must ensure that you sound sincere.

I would like to leave you with these five steps to step into your shoes listening. Remember this is life-long learning!

1. Step and breath

2. Connect with your teenager heart to heart

3. Physically imagine yourself standing behind your teenager

4. Now look at life through their eyes.

5. Respond.

Remember to have great fun with this and let me know how this powerful tool works for you.

Family Communication – Top Tip

Family Communication have you got it sorted?

Most families will tell me that they their family has no trouble communicating. But do you really?

What most parents mean when they say that is “I talk a lot and my child listens” .  Is that really communication?

In my mind all communication should serve a purpose.

It will either

1.    Move an event/situation forward.

2.    Allow you to find out some information that you need.

3.    Allow you to move closer to your child and increase that relationship.

Most of the time Family Communication is just words often with no purpose at all. We ask a question out of habit not really listening to or wanting to hear the answer. Most communication does not connect us with those that matter and does not move anything forward.

So before you speak be honest are the words really necessary, do they serve a purpose? If not don’t speak! Try listening instead.

Break the cycel in your home with our family communication cards.

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