Archive for relationships

Talking To Children About Divorce

Sue Atkins will publish two new conversation card decks to help children and families talk about Divorce.

Divorce and Children

Sue Atkins, an internationally recognised Parenting Expert, Broadcaster, Speaker & Author, will write a series of Fink Cards that can be used by parents, childminders, teachers and counsellors to keep the lines of communication open and help children to explore and express their feelings openly when their parents are going through a divorce.

I am delighted to be working with Sue to bring her unique insights into helping children and families cope with Divorce! Read more

Social Media and Relationships

healthy relationshipsSocial Media, the internet and Relationships

Technology and social media is blamed for many ills, however research demonstrates that it can have a positive impact as well. A recent study by Pew Internet Research showed that 27% of couples say that the Internet has had an impact on their relationships, and it is largely a positive one.

Technology such as mobile phones helped couples to feel closer, with 21% saying that they felt closer due to the conversations that they had during texts or online conversations and 9% used the Internet and text messages to resolve an argument.

However, 25% stated that technology had a negative impact on their relationships. Many said that mobile phones were distracting and that the phone distracts their partner when they are alone together. Moreover, 8% said that they had an argument over the amount of time that a partner stays online. Read more

A Strange Relationship Question

How Good a Wife Have I been this Week?

A strange relationship question, I know, but may be one worth asking. Many years ago I read in a Jack Canfield book that he regualry asked his family how good a dad and husband he had been that week. From memory the excercise  went something like this –

Jack Canfield would regulary ask his wife – On a scale of 1 0 10 how good a husband have I been this week?

Wife  – an eight

Jack Canfield – What would it take to get me to 10?

Wife – If you would spend some time with me when you come home, rather than going straight into the study to continue working.

You get the idea!

We used to do this years ago when the kids were growing up. I asked my children and husband how  good a mum and wife I had been that day, it was a bit like a dinner table game, it caused much laughter.

But recently, now the kids had grown up,  I wondered whether it would be worthwhile as a serious relationship check.

I ran it past my friends down the pub – the results were very poor. One friend scored his wife a 6 out of 10, she was insulted that she didn’t even get to ask what would get her to 10. They fell out and didn’t speak for a few days. This highlighted what this isn’t about! It is not about being judged but about asking for an honest opinion on how you can be better in your relationship.

It takes courage to hear these things. It take courage to want you relationship to be the best it can.

I am going to give this a go on Friday night I will ask my husband – “On a scale of 1 – 10 How good of a wife have I been this week – and what will it take to get me to 10?”

I am going to do this for the next 4 weeks and I will report back!

How about you? Do you fancy giving it a try too?

Were Your Parents Relationship Role Models

Healthy RelationshipsHow do you parents score as relationship role models?

My husband and I have had very different upbringings. My own parents almost never argued, whilst my husband was brought up in an often volatile environment.

There is no doubt that our parents were role models for us as we were both quite young, I was just 17 and my husband 20 when we met.

What We Learnt From Our Parents

I think it has been helpful over the years to realise that sometimes the behaviour we bring to our relationship is what we learned from our parents marriage.

What we learnt from our parents impacted on our relationship, my husband found it difficult to trust and I often go out of my way to avoid confrontation.

The Good and the Bad

It is very easy to point out the negatives of someone else’s relationship, especially your parents, but I learnt many good things about staying together, and being a never changing, solid and dependable team.

We have been married over 20 years now, and in fact are happier than we have ever been. We have children in their late teens and early twenties, all in relationships.

Communication

I often wonder whether we have been a good relationship role models. I hope so. What I hope my children have learnt that a happy relationship is dependent on many, many small things which is underpinned by one thing – communication.

I hope my children will not take our relationship as a perfect template but just as I did with my parents, see it as a guide, a way forward, as they go and become role models for their children.

Healthy RelationshipsThis blog post was inspired from a question from Healthy Relationship for Couples.

Written by family therapist  Denise Knowles, she  says “Conversation can become stuck in a rut and partners can make assumptions about what the other person is thinking or feeling, but it is essential that couples keep talking and retain an element of curiosity in their relationship.”

To combat the problem of boring and predictable conversation, the Relate Relationship counsellor and Sex Therapist from Northamptonshire has written  a set of question cards to help couples have better conversations to ensure relationships remain fresh and in good health.

Visit the Fink Shop to find out more about Healthy Relationships for Couples.

 

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